In my last post on this topic, I wrote on the biblical definition of marriage. We saw how marriage is for one man and one woman, and it is to be for life. We also saw how that in Christ there is no difference between men and women in equality; both are equal heirs of the kingdom of God and all its promises. Although there are no differences in equality, there are differences in the roles that both women and men play, and in this post I will do my best to address what the Lord has to say to wives through the apostle Paul.
To the wives Paul writes, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." So, wives are to submit to their own husbands. The word “submit” here is actually a military term that means to rank under or to put in subjection, and in other passages is rendered to be under obedience. The wife is to willingly place herself under her husband's authority, and in doing so she is ultimately doing it unto the Lord. Her husband is her general and king of her castle if you will, and he is second only to Jesus Christ. He is her head just as Christ is the head of the Church, and as a result she should treat him with the reverence that accompanies this position. To disrespect and disobey his authority is really to disrespect and disobey the Lord. This does not mean that a woman is her husband's property, cannot voice her opinion, or be involved in the decision making. In fact, when we get to the husband's primary responsibility to love his wife, we will see that it is quite the opposite. However, if after prayer and discussion they cannot agree, she must submit to her husband's leadership. The only time when she should not submit to her husband is if he is asking her to do something biblically wrong; in that case she should, without question, obey the Lord.
You might say, "You don't know my husband." and my response would be that you are right. However, your job as a wife is not to change your husband, but (with the Lord's help) to be responsible for your part. This isn't because he deserves it (Lord knows we don't deserve it), but because the Lord says so. In the meantime, pray for him and allow the Lord to deal with him. The Lord can deal with a bad husband much better than you can, and for a Scriptural example I would encourage you to read 1 Samuel 25. Your prayer, continual reverent submission, and godly character will have the best chance of bringing him around. Peter writes, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:1-4) In the interim, you should surround yourself with godly women that will pray for and encourage you in these areas.
I also want to take the time to look at another passage that is relevant to the marriage discussion, and this passage is in Titus chapter 2. Before we get into Paul's direction for men and women, we need to look at verse 1 in which Paul instructs Titus to speak those things which are proper for sound doctrine. This means what he was about to write was not something for which people in the Church were free to agree to disagree, but it was a matter that is fundamental to the Gospel message and as a result must be followed by everyone. He wrote, "the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:3-5) We see that the older women are to be of good reputation, and that they are to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. They love their husbands through respect, submission, being discreet/temperate, and remaining morally pure for him. They love their children by desiring them and seeing them as a blessing, and also by nurturing and caring for them. They are also to be homemakers (workers at home). Similarly, Paul wrote to Timothy, "Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (1 Timothy 5:14) This does not mean that a woman can never leave her house or even do work outside of her home, but it does mean her home and those in it should be her primary focus. For a balanced perspective on this I encourage you to read Proverbs 31. In that passage we see a woman who is industrious, but her main emphasis is still her home and those in it. The Bible does not specifically state how much work outside the home is too much, but whatever she does should not distract or pull her away from these responsibilities. So, it is up to her and her husband to seek the Lord for His will in their circumstances. Obviously, an older woman or woman with no children will have more available time, but as we can see here, her primary responsibilities are to her husband and teaching the younger women in the Church. Paul stated that these things should be followed so that it does not give occasion for outsiders to blaspheme the Word of God, and this is why I believe it is a matter of sound doctrine.
In summary, these are some tall orders that the Lord gives to women, and it really takes the power of the Holy Spirit working in their lives to be able to accomplish them. As we will see in the next post on this topic, the Lord has some tall orders for husbands as well. In fact, the husband is the one ultimately responsible for the spiritual and physical wellbeing of his family. The buck stops with him, and as a result the Lord holds him to a higher level of accountability.
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Marriage | Bring Him Home! (from my wife)
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