In our American culture, divorce has become quite normal and acceptable, by both the world and the Church. Although the statistics may vary, somewhere between one third to as much as one half of marriages end in divorce in this country. The statistics rise even further for second and third marriages. It’s no wonder so many teenagers and young adults are living such troubled lives, and why so many families are in a state of disrepair. There is debate as to whether or not divorce is good or bad, but to find out the truth on this matter we need to examine the Scriptures. Since the Bible is our instruction manual on how we are to live our lives, this should be our primary source for determining what is acceptable and what is not.
Let’s start out by looking at the words of Jesus Himself: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mat 19:3-6) When the Pharisees came to tempt Jesus asking if it was lawful to divorce for any reason, Jesus takes them all the way back to the beginning. The Lord resided over the first wedding ceremony in the book of Genesis when He created Adam and Eve. Man is to leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife. At this point the Bible states that the man and his wife become one flesh. The husband and wife have truly become a part of one another. This uniting together in the marriage covenant is something that the Lord designed to be for life. Jesus then states that since God has put the man and his wife together, man should not break apart this union. When a man and woman do break apart this union they are actually losing part of themselves.
The Pharisees then ask Jesus if this is true, why did Moses command them to write a bill of divorcement and put away their wives? Jesus’ explanation was that Moses permitted them to divorce their wives due to the hardness of their hearts. When the Lord permits us to have something because of the hardness of our own hearts, this is never a good thing. This usually means that we have our minds made up, and there is nothing the Lord can say or do to change them. So even though the Lord through Moses permitted divorce, this never was, and still is not His intention. (Matt 19:8) Jesus goes on to say that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, he is committing adultery. Whoever marries the divorced woman also is committing adultery. This is because in the Lord’s eyes, the divorce should never have happened (it’s as if they are still married to their former spouse). The only exception Jesus gives for this is in the case of fornication. (Matt 19:9) Fornication would be any sexual activity outside of the intimacy between a husband and wife. This would include adultery, as well as incest and other forms of elicit sexual activity. When either spouse engages in any sexual activity with anyone other than their spouse, they have broken the marriage covenant, and their spouse is no longer required to remain in the marriage. The spouse who remained faithful is free to remarry in this case. I do not believe Jesus is referring to a problem with pornography here, although it is a very destructive habit that can lead to all sorts of problems. No doubt the person is guilty of these acts in his/her own heart; however, I believe Jesus here is referring to the literal physical act of sexual immorality that warrants the consideration of divorce. Having said this, I do believe that the Lord is in the business of healing and restoration, and if the unfaithful spouse is repentant, the Lord can even restore a situation where infidelity is involved.
The other exception we see to this is in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians. He states, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” (1Co 7:12-15) What Paul is saying here is that if a man or woman is married to a nonbeliever, they should remain married if the nonbeliever is willing to do so. The reason that Paul states for this is that the non-believing spouse is sanctified by the believing spouse, and their children will be holy. Also, by remaining married to the nonbeliever, they may become saved by the testimony of their believing spouse. However, if the nonbeliever does not want to remain in the marriage, the believer is not in bondage (forbidden to divorce and remarry) in this case. So unless one of these two exceptions are met, the Lord does not permit divorce. In the same chapter of 1Corinthians Paul states, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.: (7:10-11) So if a person has gotten a divorce, they are to remain unmarried or be re-united with their former spouse. There is one more passage I would like to mention in the book of Malachi. In chapter 2 he states, “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” We know that God hates sin, but there are few occasions when the Scriptures say specifically that the Lord hates a particular behavior. When we come across those passages we need to pay extra close attention. The Lord says that He hates putting away, and one of the main reasons mentioned here is because He wants our children to be godly. The Lord is able to redeem any situation, but when loving parents are committed to one another for life, children are much more apt to serve the Lord and remain faithful to their own spouses.
A question that usually arises in conversations on divorce is, what should we do when abuse is taking place. A hill-billy couple was in court for domestic violence: The judge turned to the husband and asked, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up?” The husband’s response was, “Yes sir…She gets up at 5:00, and I get up at 6:00 every morning.”
Now this may be a funny joke, but in all actuality abuse is not funny. Real and sometimes horrific abuse does happen in marriages. Both men and women are guilty of domestic violence, but usually the abuser is the husband. Although I do believe that necessary steps need to be taken to ensure the victims’ safety, I do not believe the Scriptures would permit divorce in cases of physical abuse. In cases where the wife and children’s’ safety are at risk, it is okay for them to leave the home until circumstances change. If the situation is bad enough, there are laws in place such as a restraining order to ensure the protection of the wife and children. However, this should still be done with healing and restoration in mind. The husband will usually do one of two things: He will either realize the seriousness of his sin, repent, and seek help, or he will further harden his heart. If he chooses the latter, he will usually begin looking for greener pasture, or seeking a divorce himself. If he moves on to someone else, , then the wife would be free in this case. Understandably, this may be quite difficult on the wife to manage the family in their separation from one another, but the Lord is faithful to help her through it. This is also the time for her to rely on her own family and the local Church for comfort and support.
The next question that may arise is how do we as the Church treat those who are divorced, or who are considering a divorce. First of all, we need to be willing to speak the truth of what God’s Word says on the topic. A lot of people make the wrong decisions because they do not know any better. This is either because they are not reading the Word, or have not been taught differently, or both. Second, we need to communicate that God’s grace is sufficient to cover the sin of divorce, just as it is for other sins. The point here is not to condemn anyone, but to simply communicate what the Scriptures teach on this subject. Whether we have missed the mark in this area or in some other area, we get to use the Christian’s bar of soap: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” ( 1 John 1:9) What the Bible says about divorce can be hard to accept, especially for those who are in the midst of a bad marriage. Even the apostles replied to Jesus by saying that if these things be true, it would be better not to marry. Jesus’ response to them was that each man has his calling, and whatever that calling is the Lord will give him the strength to walk in it (Matthew 19:10-12). We all have areas of the Scripture that we struggle with, and the Lord knows this. He just wants us to agree with Him and His Word, and purpose in our hearts to follow Him in obedience. Once we agree with the Lord, He can then move on to giving us the strength and power to walk it out. It is also important to surround ourselves by those individuals who will give us godly council. When we are struggling with making the right decisions, we need friends who will love us enough to tell us the truth, and then come along side of us and pray for and encourage us to do the right thing. In all this, press into the Lord, faithfully read His Word, and surround yourself with godly individuals that will speak the truth to you from the Word of God.
Additional Links
http://www.divorcestatistics.org/
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