Biblical marriage has been under attack for quite some time in our society. Many people have given up on marriage and chosen to co-habitate, and those who do marry, roughly one in three end up in divorce. This differs little from those who identify as Christian, although the rate is significantly lower among those who are committed Christians. What I want to do in this post is examine what the Bible has to say about a healthy marriage. This does not mean that I or anyone else is perfect or has it all figured out, but God's Word is our standard for telling us those things that will create a lasting and successful marriage. Even for those of us who have been taught these things, sometimes it is good for us to revisit the basics.
I believe we need to start here by defining biblical marriage. Back in the Garden of Eden, God said that it was not good for man to be alone. He brought all the animals to Adam to see what he would name them, but among them there was not found a suitable helper for him. So the Lord then caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam while He performed the first surgery. He took out one of Adam's ribs and made a woman for him. After the Lord brought the woman to Adam, He said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Jesus would later say, "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6) From this we can first see that God created woman for man to be his helper: his closest companion to help him navigate through life successfully and raise a family that knows and serves the Lord. Second, it was the Lord who created marriage and presided over the first wedding ceremony. If the Lord has created marriage, then no one has the right to try to redefine it. It was and still is for one man and one woman. Third, it is for life. When a couple gets married, they are making a life-long commitment to each other before God and witnesses. In other words, when times get tough (and they will), they do not get to bail out of their commitment and/or look for someone else. The "D' word should never be on the table. As long as a couple allows divorce to be an option, they are much more likely to take that option when things are bad enough. If the devil knows divorce is an option for a couple, you can bet he will work hard to push them to that point. There are very limited exceptions where the Lord permits divorce, but when we take into consideration the whole counsel of God's Word, I believe we can see that even in those circumstances this is not His heart. Now that we have defined biblical marriage, I want to take a look at some commandments the Lord gives, that if followed, will help create a mature and healthy marriage. When we are having struggles, it usually means that one or the other (but usually both) spouses are not walking in obedience to the Word of God in these areas.
First, both spouses need to be submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ. This means that we have accepted Him as our Lord and Savior, and have purposed in our hearts to walk in obedience to His Word. Without both spouses being fully submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ, they are surely headed for problems. Even sincere and committed Christians have marital struggles, so how much more those who are not? If you are reading this today and are not a Christian, place your faith in Jesus Christ for salvation and repent from your sins.
In the book of Ephesians Paul gives specific direction to both wives and then husbands. However, before beginning his section on marriage and family, he states as a whole we are to submit to one another in the fear of God. This means we are to place others needs and wants above our own. Even if we are in a position of authority, we are not to use that authority in a self-serving way. Yes there are times when we need to use our God given authority to get things done, but if we are able to yield we should yield. Before jumping into this section in Ephesians 5, I want to take a look at a passage in Genesis 3 to provide a backdrop to this topic. After Eve and Adam ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the Lord told Eve, "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." This phrase "thy desire shall be to thy husband" is better rendered that the woman in her sin nature would try to usurp her husband's God-given authority over her, and the man in his sin nature would in turn seek to subdue and rule over his wife. This is not a godly picture of how marriage is supposed to function, but one in which both spouses are seeking their own personal interests. Sin entering into the world has disrupted the beautiful unity that God intended for a husband and wife, and it is for this reason I believe the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write what he did in the book of Ephesians. It is also important to state here that when God speaks to different roles and who has authority, it has nothing to do with equality. Paul wrote to the Galatians, "For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." So if we have put on the Lord Jesus Christ, we are all one, and there is no difference in equality. We are all Abraham's seed and heirs of the kingdom of God. Jesus Himself is subject to the Father, yet we know that He said of Himself, "I and my Father are one." (John 10:30) So, if Jesus, being God the Son, subjects Himself to the will of the Father, we know that different roles and authority are not a bad thing, but a good thing set up by a good God who wants us to succeed in our marriages as well as in other areas of life. With this backdrop we can go ahead and look at what God has to say about the roles of both wives and husbands in Ephesians 5. Paul starts out by talking about wives, so Lord willing I will write about that in my next post on this topic.
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