What the Bible Says About Wives

 

In my last post on this topic, I wrote on the biblical definition of marriage.  We saw how marriage is for one man and one woman, and it is to be for life.  We also saw how that in Christ there is no difference between men and women in equality; both are equal heirs of the kingdom of God and all its promises.  Although there are no differences in equality, there are differences in the roles that both women and men play, and in this post I will do my best to address what the Lord has to say to wives through the apostle Paul.

To the wives Paul writes, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."  So, wives are to submit to their own husbands.  The word “submit” here is actually a military term that means to rank under or to put in subjection, and in other passages is rendered to be under obedience.  The wife is to willingly place herself under her husband's authority, and in doing so she is ultimately doing it unto the Lord.  Her husband is her general and king of her castle if you will, and he is second only to Jesus Christ.  He is her head just as Christ is the head of the Church, and as a result she should treat him with the reverence that accompanies this position.  To disrespect and disobey his authority is really to disrespect and disobey the Lord.  This does not mean that a woman is her husband's property, cannot voice her opinion, or be involved in the decision making.  In fact, when we get to the husband's primary responsibility to love his wife, we will see that it is quite the opposite.  However, if after prayer and discussion they cannot agree, she must submit to her husband's leadership.  The only time when she should not submit to her husband is if he is asking her to do something biblically wrong; in that case she should, without question, obey the Lord.

You might say, "You don't know my husband." and my response would be that you are right.  However, your job as a wife is not to change your husband, but (with the Lord's help) to be responsible for your part.  This isn't because he deserves it (Lord knows we don't deserve it), but because the Lord says so.  In the meantime, pray for him and allow the Lord to deal with him.  The Lord can deal with a bad husband much better than you can, and for a Scriptural example I would encourage you to read 1 Samuel 25.  Your prayer, continual reverent submission, and godly character will have the best chance of bringing him around.  Peter writes, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:1-4) In the interim, you should surround yourself with godly women that will pray for and encourage you in these areas.

I also want to take the time to look at another passage that is relevant to the marriage discussion, and this passage is in Titus chapter 2.  Before we get into Paul's direction for men and women, we need to look at verse 1 in which Paul instructs Titus to speak those things which are proper for sound doctrine.  This means what he was about to write was not something for which people in the Church were free to agree to disagree, but it was a matter that is fundamental to the Gospel message and as a result must be followed by everyone.  He wrote, "the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:3-5) We see that the older women are to be of good reputation, and that they are to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children.  They love their husbands through respect, submission, being discreet/temperate, and remaining morally pure for him.  They love their children by desiring them and seeing them as a blessing, and also by nurturing and caring for them.  They are also to be homemakers (workers at home).  Similarly, Paul wrote to Timothy, "Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (1 Timothy 5:14) This does not mean that a woman can never leave her house or even do work outside of her home, but it does mean her home and those in it should be her primary focus.  For a balanced perspective on this I encourage you to read Proverbs 31.  In that passage we see a woman who is industrious, but her main emphasis is still her home and those in it.  The Bible does not specifically state how much work outside the home is too much, but whatever she does should not distract or pull her away from these responsibilities.  So, it is up to her and her husband to seek the Lord for His will in their circumstances.  Obviously, an older woman or woman with no children will have more available time, but as we can see here, her primary responsibilities are to her husband and teaching the younger women in the Church.  Paul stated that these things should be followed so that it does not give occasion for outsiders to blaspheme the Word of God, and this is why I believe it is a matter of sound doctrine.

In summary, these are some tall orders that the Lord gives to women, and it really takes the power of the Holy Spirit working in their lives to be able to accomplish them.  As we will see in the next post on this topic, the Lord has some tall orders for husbands as well.  In fact, the husband is the one ultimately responsible for the spiritual and physical wellbeing of his family.  The buck stops with him, and as a result the Lord holds him to a higher level of accountability.

 

Related Links

Marriage | Bring Him Home! (from my wife)

What the Bible Says About Divorce

              In our American culture, divorce has become quite normal and acceptable, by both the world and the Church.  Although the statistics may vary, somewhere between one third to as much as one half of marriages end in divorce in this country.  The statistics rise even further for second and third marriages.  It’s no wonder so many teenagers and young adults are living such troubled lives, and why so many families are in a state of disrepair.  There is debate as to whether or not divorce is good or bad, but to find out the truth on this matter we need to examine the Scriptures.  Since the Bible is our instruction manual on how we are to live our lives, this should be our primary source for determining what is acceptable and what is not.

              Let’s start out by looking at the words of Jesus Himself: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?  And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mat 19:3-6) When the Pharisees came to tempt Jesus asking if it was lawful to divorce for any reason, Jesus takes them all the way back to the beginning.  The Lord resided over the first wedding ceremony in the book of Genesis when He created Adam and Eve.  Man is to leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife.  At this point the Bible states that the man and his wife become one flesh.  The husband and wife have truly become a part of one another.  This uniting together in the marriage covenant is something that the Lord designed to be for life.  Jesus then states that since God has put the man and his wife together, man should not break apart this union.  When a man and woman do break apart this union they are actually losing part of themselves.

              The Pharisees then ask Jesus if this is true, why did Moses command them to write a bill of divorcement and put away their wives? Jesus’ explanation was that Moses permitted them to divorce their wives due to the hardness of their hearts.  When the Lord permits us to have something because of the hardness of our own hearts, this is never a good thing.  This usually means that we have our minds made up, and there is nothing the Lord can say or do to change them.  So even though the Lord through Moses permitted divorce, this never was, and still is not His intention. (Matt 19:8) Jesus goes on to say that if a man divorces his wife and marries another, he is committing adultery.  Whoever marries the divorced woman also is committing adultery.  This is because in the Lord’s eyes, the divorce should never have happened (it’s as if they are still married to their former spouse).  The only exception Jesus gives for this is in the case of fornication. (Matt 19:9) Fornication would be any sexual activity outside of the intimacy between a husband and wife.  This would include adultery, as well as incest and other forms of elicit sexual activity.  When either spouse engages in any sexual activity with anyone other than their spouse, they have broken the marriage covenant, and their spouse is no longer required to remain in the marriage.  The spouse who remained faithful is free to remarry in this case.  I do not believe Jesus is referring to a problem with pornography here, although it is a very destructive habit that can lead to all sorts of problems.  No doubt the person is guilty of these acts in his/her own heart; however, I believe Jesus here is referring to the literal physical act of sexual immorality that warrants the consideration of divorce.  Having said this, I do believe that the Lord is in the business of healing and restoration, and if the unfaithful spouse is repentant, the Lord can even restore a situation where infidelity is involved.

The other exception we see to this is in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.  He states, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” (1Co 7:12-15) What Paul is saying here is that if a man or woman is married to a nonbeliever, they should remain married if the nonbeliever is willing to do so.  The reason that Paul states for this is that the non-believing spouse is sanctified by the believing spouse, and their children will be holy.  Also, by remaining married to the nonbeliever, they may become saved by the testimony of their believing spouse.  However, if the nonbeliever does not want to remain in the marriage, the believer is not in bondage (forbidden to divorce and remarry) in this case.  So unless one of these two exceptions are met, the Lord does not permit divorce.  In the same chapter of 1Corinthians Paul states, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.: (7:10-11) So if a person has gotten a divorce, they are to remain unmarried or be re-united with their former spouse.  There is one more passage I would like to mention in the book of Malachi.  In chapter 2 he states, “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”  We know that God hates sin, but there are few occasions when the Scriptures say specifically that the Lord hates a particular behavior.  When we come across those passages we need to pay extra close attention.  The Lord says that He hates putting away, and one of the main reasons mentioned here is because He wants our children to be godly.  The Lord is able to redeem any situation, but when loving parents are committed to one another for life, children are much more apt to serve the Lord and remain faithful to their own spouses.

              A question that usually arises in conversations on divorce is, what should we do when abuse is taking place.  A hill-billy couple was in court for domestic violence: The judge turned to the husband and asked, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up?”  The husband’s response was, “Yes sir…She gets up at 5:00, and I get up at 6:00 every morning.”

Now this may be a funny joke, but in all actuality abuse is not funny. Real and sometimes horrific abuse does happen in marriages.    Both men and women are guilty of domestic violence, but usually the abuser is the husband.            Although I do believe that necessary steps need to be taken to ensure the victims’ safety, I do not believe the Scriptures would permit divorce in cases of physical abuse.  In cases where the wife and children’s’ safety are at risk, it is okay for them to leave the home until circumstances change.  If the situation is bad enough, there are laws in place such as a restraining order to ensure the protection of the wife and children.  However, this should still be done with healing and restoration in mind.  The husband will usually do one of two things: He will either realize the seriousness of his sin, repent, and seek help, or he will further harden his heart.  If he chooses the latter, he will usually begin looking for greener pasture, or seeking a divorce himself.  If he moves on to someone else, , then the wife would be free in this case.  Understandably, this may be quite difficult on the wife to manage the family in their separation from one another, but the Lord is faithful to help her through it.  This is also the time for her to rely on her own family and the local Church for comfort and support.

              The next question that may arise is how do we as the Church treat those who are divorced, or who are considering a divorce.  First of all, we need to be willing to speak the truth of what God’s Word says on the topic.  A lot of people make the wrong decisions because they do not know any better.  This is either because they are not reading the Word, or have not been taught differently, or both.  Second, we need to communicate that God’s grace is sufficient to cover the sin of divorce, just as it is for other sins.  The point here is not to condemn anyone, but to simply communicate what the Scriptures teach on this subject.  Whether we have missed the mark in this area or in some other area, we get to use the Christian’s bar of soap: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” ( 1 John 1:9) What the Bible says about divorce can be hard to accept, especially for those who are in the midst of a bad marriage.  Even the apostles replied to Jesus by saying that if these things be true, it would be better not to marry.  Jesus’ response to them was that each man has his calling, and whatever that calling is the Lord will give him the strength to walk in it (Matthew 19:10-12).  We all have areas of the Scripture that we struggle with, and the Lord knows this.  He just wants us to agree with Him and His Word, and purpose in our hearts to follow Him in obedience.  Once we agree with the Lord, He can then move on to giving us the strength and power to walk it out.  It is also important to surround ourselves by those individuals who will give us godly council.  When we are struggling with making the right decisions, we need friends who will love us enough to tell us the truth, and then come along side of us and pray for and encourage us to do the right thing.  In all this, press into the Lord, faithfully read His Word, and surround yourself with godly individuals that will speak the truth to you from the Word of God.

 

Additional Links

http://www.divorcestatistics.org/

 

What the Bible Says About Marriage

              Biblical marriage has been under attack for quite some time in our society.  Many people have given up on marriage and chosen to co-habitate, and those who do marry, roughly one in three end up in divorce.  This differs little from those who identify as Christian, although the rate is significantly lower among those who are committed Christians.  What I want to do in this post is examine what the Bible has to say about a healthy marriage.  This does not mean that I or anyone else is perfect or has it all figured out, but God's Word is our standard for telling us those things that will create a lasting and successful marriage.  Even for those of us who have been taught these things, sometimes it is good for us to revisit the basics.

              I believe we need to start here by defining biblical marriage.  Back in the Garden of Eden, God said that it was not good for man to be alone.  He brought all the animals to Adam to see what he would name them, but among them there was not found a suitable helper for him.  So the Lord then caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam while He performed the first surgery.  He took out one of Adam's ribs and made a woman for him.  After the Lord brought the woman to Adam, He said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Jesus would later say, "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6) From this we can first see that God created woman for man to be his helper: his closest companion to help him navigate through life successfully and raise a family that knows and serves the Lord.  Second, it was the Lord who created marriage and presided over the first wedding ceremony.  If the Lord has created marriage, then no one has the right to try to redefine it.  It was and still is for one man and one woman.  Third, it is for life.  When a couple gets married, they are making a life-long commitment to each other before God and witnesses.  In other words, when times get tough (and they will), they do not get to bail out of their commitment and/or look for someone else.  The "D' word should never be on the table.  As long as a couple allows divorce to be an option, they are much more likely to take that option when things are bad enough.  If the devil knows divorce is an option for a couple, you can bet he will work hard to push them to that point.  There are very limited exceptions where the Lord permits divorce, but when we take into consideration the whole counsel of God's Word, I believe we can see that even in those circumstances this is not His heart.  Now that we have defined biblical marriage, I want to take a look at some commandments the Lord gives, that if followed, will help create a mature and healthy marriage.  When we are having struggles, it usually means that one or the other (but usually both) spouses are not walking in obedience to the Word of God in these areas.

                            First, both spouses need to be submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ.  This means that we have accepted Him as our Lord and Savior, and have purposed in our hearts to walk in obedience to His Word.  Without both spouses being fully submitted to the lordship of Jesus Christ, they are surely headed for problems.  Even sincere and committed Christians have marital struggles, so how much more those who are not? If you are reading this today and are not a Christian, place your faith in Jesus Christ for salvation and repent from your sins.

              In the book of Ephesians Paul gives specific direction to both wives and then husbands.  However, before beginning his section on marriage and family, he states as a whole we are to submit to one another in the fear of God.  This means we are to place others needs and wants above our own.  Even if we are in a position of authority, we are not to use that authority in a self-serving way.  Yes there are times when we need to use our God given authority to get things done, but if we are able to yield we should yield.  Before jumping into this section in Ephesians 5, I want to take a look at a passage in Genesis 3 to provide a backdrop to this topic.  After Eve and Adam ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the Lord told Eve, "I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."  This phrase "thy desire shall be to thy husband" is better rendered that the woman in her sin nature would try to usurp her husband's God-given authority over her, and the man in his sin nature would in turn seek to subdue and rule over his wife.  This is not a godly picture of how marriage is supposed to function, but one in which both spouses are seeking their own personal interests.  Sin entering into the world has disrupted the beautiful unity that God intended for a husband and wife, and it is for this reason I believe the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write what he did in the book of Ephesians.  It is also important to state here that when God speaks to different roles and who has authority, it has nothing to do with equality.  Paul wrote to the Galatians, "For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.  And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise."  So if we have put on the Lord Jesus Christ, we are all one, and there is no difference in equality.  We are all Abraham's seed and heirs of the kingdom of God.  Jesus Himself is subject to the Father, yet we know that He said of Himself, "I and my Father are one." (John 10:30) So, if Jesus, being God the Son, subjects Himself to the will of the Father, we know that different roles and authority are not a bad thing, but a good thing set up by a good God who wants us to succeed in our marriages as well as in other areas of life.  With this backdrop we can go ahead and look at what God has to say about the roles of both wives and husbands in Ephesians 5.  Paul starts out by talking about wives, so Lord willing I will write about that in my next post on this topic.

 

Related Links

What the Bible Says about Divorce