In my previous post, we see how Paul gave fathers a negative command to not provoke their children to anger, but his positive command is to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. I believe he addresses the anger problem first, because if a parent (especially a dad) is angry, the children will not want to listen to him, even if he is teaching them what is right. Even if the child ultimately wants to listen, his or her own struggles with bitterness and resentment may make it difficult to do so. The Scriptures stress the importance of parents having their children’s hearts, and I believe being slow to anger is a major ingredient in this. Having our children’s hearts is their protection against sin, sexual sin in particular. Solomon writes, “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. For a harlot is a deep pit, and a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim, and increases the unfaithful among men.” (Pro 23:26-27) I remember hearing from a dad with several children one time that children will not be prone to rebellion because of too many rules, unless we as parents have a rotten attitude along with them. I do believe it is possible to have too many rules, but our attitude as parents greatly affects how our children respond to whatever rules we do have.
Going back to Ephesians, Paul again here is addressing dads, not because it does not apply to moms, but because the Lord knows the dad’s tendency is to allow the training to happen by the mother or the Sunday school class. As dads, we are to be the leaders in raising our children to fear and love God.
Both the words training and admonition speak to the rearing of a child, but the former refers to a training by act (discipline), while the latter refers to a training by word. Both are necessary for the rearing of the child. Proverbs says, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Pro 29:15) Without the verbal instruction, the child lacks the understanding of what is right and wrong, and although he or she is disciplined, will not understand why or how to change their behavior. Without the discipline, the child will understand what is expected of him or her, but will often lack the incentive to change. Most of us probably remember what happened in school when there was a substitute teacher. We knew what was expected of us by our regular teacher, but we knew the sub would probably not know those expectations and be a lot more lenient. In this post I will primarily focus on the verbal instruction.
So, what do the Scriptures state about verbally instructing our children? In Deuteronomy it states, “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut 6:6-9) And as we previously saw, “My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life.” (Prov 6:20-23) So, as we can see, God’s word is to be in our hearts, we are to talk about it regularly, and we are to teach it to our children. It is our lamp, our light, and our way of life.
Incidentally, the Deuteronomy passage is one of the strongest biblical justifications for home schooling in my opinion: It is difficult to send your kids to public school for eight hours, to sports for another two to four, and still obey this Scripture. Teachers and coaches are spending more time with our kids than we are in many cases. There are some good teachers and coaches out there, but they just cannot replace the role that a parent plays in their child’s life. This is why I believe family devotions are so important. Going to Church once or twice a week is just not enough to counter-act the onslaught of evil our kids (and for us for that matter) are facing on a daily basis. We need that time spent together as a family in the word of God. I remember when my wife and I were first married, I thought we would maybe do family devotions once or twice a week, but she reminded me of the Scriptures that talk about the priests offering sacrifices morning and evening. So, we began doing them daily, and then we moved to doing them both morning and evenings. Although there are days when we haven’t for whatever reason, it has become a consistent part of our family life, and we have been abundantly blessed for it. We don’t do it as a rule to keep, but as a model to follow for getting our spiritual nourishment. I have often wondered why the Lord repeated Himself so much in the first five books of the Old Testament, but repetition is how we learn. It is how we get it in our hearts, and it is how we can talk about it throughout the day. Seeing their parents do this is how our children learn the word and how to pray. Remember, it is our lamp, our light, and our way of life. In the following post, we will take a look at the training aspect of raising children.
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