The Lord's Directives to Parents

 

In my last post, I wrote about the Lord’s perspective on children. They are His gift and reward to us, and the more we can reasonably have and care for, the greater the blessing we will enjoy. The Lord is into marriage, and He is into raising children. It is how we pass on the light of the Gospel to the next generation. The next question that arises is, how do we raise godly children?

Continuing on in Ephesians, Paul addresses the children/parent relationship. He states, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Eph 6:1-4) We see three different directives in this passage. The first directive is to children, but parents have something to learn from it as well. First, we see that it is the Lord’s expectation that children obey and honor their parents. If so, then this means the parents are the ones solely responsible for them. It is a prevailing thought today that children belong to the collective whole or even to the State, but this flies directly in the face of the Scriptures and the Lord’s plan for family life. It does NOT take a village to raise a child (just saying). If we recall, they are a gift or a possession from the Lord, so according to the Scriptures, our children belong to us, given to us by God Himself.  Yes, children need to respect and obey other authority figures, but from the Scriptures we can see that Mom and Dad have the final say.

Second, if the Lord says that children are to obey and honor their parents, it is the parents’ job to instill this into them. Solomon told his own sons, “My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life.” (Pro 6:20-23) The importance of obedience, including that of children to their parents, is stressed all throughout the Scriptures. It is not for acceptance into the kingdom of God, but because we are already part of the Kingdom through faith in Jesus Christ. So too, children are born into our family, and nothing can change this, no matter how they behave. However, because they have been given to us, and because we love them, we teach them right and wrong so that they can live a long and prosperous life. For parents to neglect this responsibility is to rob them of these blessings. Naturally, our children are not always on board with this idea of obedience, so it is up to us as parents to administer appropriate consequences with the goal of changing their minds. The Bible has a lot to say on child discipline as well, but that is another topic for another post. If you are a parent, I would highly recommend reading through and studying the book of Proverbs; it is full of wisdom for parents in raising children.

I also want to take the time to address family dynamics as it relates to raising children. I have seen members in my own family, as well as in others’ fight against the parents in training their own children. Unfortunately, others interfering with someone else’s parenting can place a strain on family relations, stress marriages, and negatively affect the children as I have personally witnessed. Children learn pretty quickly when Grandpa and Grandma or another family member will side with them over their own parents. If we are raising children, we should not allow others to undermine our parental authority, especially in front of our children. It is our God-given responsibility to raise them in the ways of the Lord, so we can confidently stand on what the Word says. Now, none of us are perfect, and as parents we make mistakes. Because of this, we should be open to constructive criticism or correction when necessary. However, if we find ourselves on the other side of this coin, our advice and correction should be prayerfully considered and wisely given in a way that will not undermine what the parents are trying to accomplish. If we disagree with someone else’s parenting, we are apt to do more harm than good by interfering unless it is just blatantly harmful or sinful for the child. I remember as a kid complaining to my grandparents about my own parents, but they would not entertain it. If anything, they defended my parents and encouraged me to obey and respect them. Looking back, I am thankful for that, for it made me a better man. In my next post, I hope to cover the Lord’s directives to dads.

What the Bible Says About Children

In a previous post, I wrote about God’s directions to husbands. They are to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially, and they are to use their authority for the wellbeing of their families. In the next several posts, I want to write about what the Bible says to parents.

Before continuing on in Ephesians, I want to first address the Lord’s perspective on children. More and more today, children are seen as an inconvenience or nuisance, because they interfere with the parents’ self-interests. They keep us from our career goals, that big vacation, a hobby, etc., but the Lord sees it differently. Solomon wrote, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psa 127:3-5)

As we can see, children are a gift, possession, or an inheritance from the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward. We really don’t deserve anything from the Lord, yet He gives us a most precious gift in a child. I’ve known of several instances over the years in which someone was rebelling against the Lord, and when a child was on the way, all of a sudden, they were ready to get straightened out.

So, if children are a gift and reward from the Lord, how many should we want? The Lord likens the children born in one’s youth to arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior, and happy is the man who has a quiver full. If we were going into the front lines of a battle, how well armed would we want to be? Would we want just one bullet in our revolver like Barney Fife, or would we want to be a bit better prepared? Truthfully, we would want to have as much weaponry as we could reasonably carry and use without it being a hinderance to us. Well, as Christians, we are engaged in the hottest battle for the soul of mankind, and our children are a key weapon in our arsenal to defeat our archenemy, Satan. It is our job to train and shape them so that when they are released like an arrow from the bow, they will hit their intended target. They are to be bearers of the good news of the Gospel to the next generation. It is no mistake that the onslaught of evil on our society is first going after our children. It is a devilish attack that will succeed if we are not diligent as parents to train and prepare them in the ways of the Lord.

So, to answer the question, although there is nothing in the Bible that says how many children we should or should not have, it would seem from this passage and others like it that we should want as many children as we can reasonably have and care for. In the end, we will not be ashamed when we face the Enemy in the gate. We do not all have the same size quivers, but it is up to each couple to seek the Lord for His will for them. I will say however, if we really view children as a gift or an inheritance from the Lord, I believe many of our reasons for not having them will fall away. Which of us if a parent or grandparent offered us an early inheritance would not take it? How much more another human life given to us by God? Even in the case of medical problems, many parents who have prayerfully persevered through them have been blessed immensely. I know there are parents who cannot have any children or who are limited in how many they can have due to reasons beyond their control, and it is not my intention to condemn anyone for their choice of how many children to have. Again, my goal is to counteract the societal trend that kids are an inconvenience, and shift our focus back to what the Lord thinks about them. One other thing to consider is that, in a real practical sense, our children are who take care of us when we are old, and the more we have, the easier that burden will be for them. My grandfather was the oldest of 10 children, and his mother was well taken care of right up to her death.

There is one more passage I would like to take a look at here, and that is in the next Psalm. It states, “Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel!” (Psa 128)

Here, the Psalmist is describing a man who is blessed because he fears the Lord. He works hard, and enjoys the fruits of his labors. He is happy and satisfied because his family has food on their table. His wife is depicted as a fruitful vine in the heart of his house. This is so true; the woman is really the heart of the home. Her fruitfulness is in the bearing of children, and those children are like olive plants all around the table. This man lives a long-blessed life, and he lives to see his grandchildren. Sometime ago, my wife and I went to some friend’s house, and when we came in the door, all of their children were around the dining table. They were all happy and cheerful, and as their mom waited on us, several of them jumped up to help her. I instantly thought of this Psalm, and thought to myself, this guy is blessed, as I am sure he would say of me.

God is into family, folks! He is into marriage, and He is into children. If the Lord is into these things, then we should be too. We need to fear the Lord, work hard, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. We need to realize that the home and family is where the blessings of the Lord begin, and if we accept this, we will be truly blessed. All the other things in life fail in comparison. If you are reading this and do not have a family, the Lord has something better for you for the time. Press into Him, and find all that you need in Him. The Lord is truly good to us. In my next post, I hope to go back to Ephesians to write more about what the Bible has to say on the child/parent relationship.

What the Bible Says About Husbands

 

In my last post on this topic, I wrote about what the Bible has to say to wives. They are to respect and submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord. This does not mean she will always agree with her husband or cannot give her input, but at the end of the day she must submit to his leadership. If her husband is a nonbeliever, she is to win him over for the Lord through prayer, submission, and her reverent behavior. This understandably can be a difficult task, but the Lord is there to help her in her time of need. So in this post I want to write about what the Bible has to say to husbands.

Now to the husbands Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Ephesians 5:25-33)

              The Lord's primary direction to husbands in this passage is to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Just as women have difficulty submitting to their husbands, so husbands have difficulty loving their wives as they ought. We as men are pretty self-centered, and quite often being a jerk comes pretty naturally to us. So the Lord here is reminding us in the area that we are weak. The command to love here is not referring to tender affections or the intimacy shared between a husband and wife, but it is the word agapao. In the Vine's Dictionary it states, "In respect of agapao as used of God, it expresses the deep and constant "love" and interest of a perfect Being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing and fostering a reverential "love" in them towards the Giver, and a practical "love" towards those who are partakers of the same, and a desire to help others to seek the Giver." This is first an unconditional love. It is given regardless of the actions of the other; the other person is unworthy of that love. Second, it is a sacrificial love that is chiefly demonstrated in the Father's giving up of His only begotten Son to redeem you and me. We have done everything not to deserve this love, yet God has loved us anyway by allowing Jesus to die on the cross in our place. By simply believing on Jesus, we get to have all our sins washed away, just as if we had never sinned. This is the type of love with which we are to love our wives. It is a love put into action. We are to sacrifice the fulfillment of our own wants and needs by dying to ourselves, and seek to meet the needs and desires of our wives. Third, it is a servant love.  If we remember from the Gospel of John, at the last supper, Jesus girded himself with a towel and began washing the disciples’ feet. Now in those days much of their travel was done on foot, and as a result their feet would become dirty from the dust and mire of the roads they walked on. The household servants (for those who had them) would then wash their feet and that of their guests. So Jesus, being the Lord and creator of the entire universe, took on a job done by the lowliest of servants. He had every right to ask the disciples to wash his feet, but he humbled himself to serve them and model the type of behavior we are to exhibit toward one another. So too, as the head of our homes, we as men have the authority to ask our wives to serve us, but rather than using our authority to serve ourselves we should humble ourselves to serve our wives. Instead of complaining that the house work is not done or dinner is not made, we should humble ourselves and help out by doing the job instead once in a while. We get to go to work and come home again, leaving our work behind, but her job never ends. I heard another pastor say that the most important job happens when we come home to our wives and children. Like a workout in the gym, this is the big lift. This is where it really counts. You are the general of your family and king of your castle, but she is not merely a common soldier or servant. She is your queen, and as a result she needs to be treated as such. God has given her to you to be your helpmate, so you should desire her input and be willing to yield to her wants and needs when possible. We are to love our wives as we would love ourselves. As we would that others would do to us, we are to do for our wives.

              Jesus also loves the Church by sanctifying and cleansing it with the water of the Word. In like manner, Jesus Christ and His Word are to be at the center of our marriages and families. It is our job to lead our wives and children in serving the Lord and studying the Word of God. It is up to us to ensure that our families are regularly attending Church and fellowshipping with other believers. So often we as men are willing to let our wives do that job, but that is not the Lord's will for us. If our families are going astray from the Lord, the blame has to come back to us as husbands. As the head goes, so does the rest of the body.

              You might say, "You don't know my wife." My response to that is that you are correct. I don't know your wife, but the Word of God still remains true. Our job is not to change our wives so that they submit to us, but to do our part in loving them unconditionally. We are not called to love them because they deserve it (they do not), but we are called to love them because the Lord says so. The apostle Paul wrote to the Colossians, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (Colossians 3:19) We are not to allow bitterness to set in when our wives are disrespectful and do not submit to us, but we are to love and respect them anyway. The best chance they have of coming around is through our love, respect, and our prayers. Peter writes, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (1 Peter 3:7) We are to dwell with our wives according to knowledge (with understanding), and honor them as the weaker vessel. I have heard it said that men are like A&W root beer mugs: you can bump and clang them around, but they remain intact. They might get a chip or a scratch here and there, but they'll be ok. Women, on the other hand, are like crystal. If you bang crystal around it shatters, and it cannot be put back together again. If we mistreat our wives through disrespect, harshness, or abuse, they may eventually reach a breaking point. Once there, only the Lord can heal them and put them back together. Praise God for his healing and restoring power. We need to remember that our wives are co-heirs with us of the grace of life. When we mistreat them we are mistreating the Lord's daughter. That's the kind of dad you don't want to mess with. When we fail in this area, the Scriptures actually state it can hinder our prayers. If we ever feel like our prayers are just hitting the ceiling, one of the questions we need to ask ourselves is how are we treating our wives? Again, as the spiritual heads of our homes the Lord holds us to a higher standard, and we as husbands and fathers have a lot of influence on what direction our families will go.

As men, we also are to work hard in order to support ourselves and provide for our wives and children. Consider the following Scriptures: “The person who labors, labors for himself, For his hungry mouth drives him on.” (Proverbs 16:26) “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10) But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8) So, we see that an able-bodied man should work to care for himself and his family, and if he does not, he is worse than a nonbeliever. Interestingly enough, the more and more the Church has drifted away from these instructions, the more Church attendance has declined. After both spouses working, taking care of the household responsibilities, and doing things with their children, a lot of families are just too worn out to attend Church more than once a week. Even once a week has become too much for some. I understand there are other variables at play here, but I believe it nonetheless is one of them. As women and men begin to neglect these roles, it begins to chip away at the family structure, and it can place undue stress on marriages. Additionally, Paul wrote to Titus that the men are to be sober-minded, living a life characterized by good works.  In doctrine/teaching, they are to have integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, and be of sound speech. Like as with the women, this is to live a life that is above reproach, and silence those who are opposed to the Gospel.

              I don't know about you, but I think the Lord's commands to husbands are just as difficult as those of our wives, if not more so. As I have written this, I am convicted of how often I fall short of God's Word in these areas. Loving our wives with the unconditional love of Jesus Christ and respecting them as the Scriptures teach are indeed some tall orders, but again the Lord's commandments are his enablements. If we will purpose in our hearts to submit to the authority of his Word, he will give us the power to walk in obedience.

What the Bible Says About Wives

 

In my last post on this topic, I wrote on the biblical definition of marriage.  We saw how marriage is for one man and one woman, and it is to be for life.  We also saw how that in Christ there is no difference between men and women in equality; both are equal heirs of the kingdom of God and all its promises.  Although there are no differences in equality, there are differences in the roles that both women and men play, and in this post I will do my best to address what the Lord has to say to wives through the apostle Paul.

To the wives Paul writes, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."  So, wives are to submit to their own husbands.  The word “submit” here is actually a military term that means to rank under or to put in subjection, and in other passages is rendered to be under obedience.  The wife is to willingly place herself under her husband's authority, and in doing so she is ultimately doing it unto the Lord.  Her husband is her general and king of her castle if you will, and he is second only to Jesus Christ.  He is her head just as Christ is the head of the Church, and as a result she should treat him with the reverence that accompanies this position.  To disrespect and disobey his authority is really to disrespect and disobey the Lord.  This does not mean that a woman is her husband's property, cannot voice her opinion, or be involved in the decision making.  In fact, when we get to the husband's primary responsibility to love his wife, we will see that it is quite the opposite.  However, if after prayer and discussion they cannot agree, she must submit to her husband's leadership.  The only time when she should not submit to her husband is if he is asking her to do something biblically wrong; in that case she should, without question, obey the Lord.

You might say, "You don't know my husband." and my response would be that you are right.  However, your job as a wife is not to change your husband, but (with the Lord's help) to be responsible for your part.  This isn't because he deserves it (Lord knows we don't deserve it), but because the Lord says so.  In the meantime, pray for him and allow the Lord to deal with him.  The Lord can deal with a bad husband much better than you can, and for a Scriptural example I would encourage you to read 1 Samuel 25.  Your prayer, continual reverent submission, and godly character will have the best chance of bringing him around.  Peter writes, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:1-4) In the interim, you should surround yourself with godly women that will pray for and encourage you in these areas.

I also want to take the time to look at another passage that is relevant to the marriage discussion, and this passage is in Titus chapter 2.  Before we get into Paul's direction for men and women, we need to look at verse 1 in which Paul instructs Titus to speak those things which are proper for sound doctrine.  This means what he was about to write was not something for which people in the Church were free to agree to disagree, but it was a matter that is fundamental to the Gospel message and as a result must be followed by everyone.  He wrote, "the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:3-5) We see that the older women are to be of good reputation, and that they are to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children.  They love their husbands through respect, submission, being discreet/temperate, and remaining morally pure for him.  They love their children by desiring them and seeing them as a blessing, and also by nurturing and caring for them.  They are also to be homemakers (workers at home).  Similarly, Paul wrote to Timothy, "Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully." (1 Timothy 5:14) This does not mean that a woman can never leave her house or even do work outside of her home, but it does mean her home and those in it should be her primary focus.  For a balanced perspective on this I encourage you to read Proverbs 31.  In that passage we see a woman who is industrious, but her main emphasis is still her home and those in it.  The Bible does not specifically state how much work outside the home is too much, but whatever she does should not distract or pull her away from these responsibilities.  So, it is up to her and her husband to seek the Lord for His will in their circumstances.  Obviously, an older woman or woman with no children will have more available time, but as we can see here, her primary responsibilities are to her husband and teaching the younger women in the Church.  Paul stated that these things should be followed so that it does not give occasion for outsiders to blaspheme the Word of God, and this is why I believe it is a matter of sound doctrine.

In summary, these are some tall orders that the Lord gives to women, and it really takes the power of the Holy Spirit working in their lives to be able to accomplish them.  As we will see in the next post on this topic, the Lord has some tall orders for husbands as well.  In fact, the husband is the one ultimately responsible for the spiritual and physical wellbeing of his family.  The buck stops with him, and as a result the Lord holds him to a higher level of accountability.

 

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